to conform to a social standard

Once upon a time there was a little girl with curly hair 

The little girl with curly hair had big dreams and loved to stare at the stars

The little girl with curly hair enjoyed school but always felt she was different from the other little girls

The little girl with curly hair went to a new school

The other little girls made fun of her curly hair

The little girl with curly hair cried and bought a hair straightener

The little girl with curly hair started looking in the mirror too often

The little girl with curly hair felt lonely all of the time

The little girl with curly hair stopped dreaming and staring at the stars

The little girl with curly hair stopped eating

The little girl with curly hair met a boy who dreamt and stared at the stars and told her not to straighten her hair

The little girl with curly hair got her heart shattered into a million pieces

The little girl with curly hair was no longer a little girl and no longer had curly hair 

Advertisements

changes, changes, changes

Hello everyooone, which I think is no one but that’s alright. So I was really wanting to blog today but, to be completely honest, I don’t have much to write about. I’m at a standstill in my life right now. I’ve found that usually everything absolutely horrible and everything absolutely amazing always happens at once, either it couldn’t possibly get any better or it couldn’t possibly get worse, or nothing is happening at all. Right now, nothing much is happening at all, I have a lot I want to say but I’m going to wait for something to happen which will lead to me telling about parts of my life that already exist. As the title of this post says, this is a change, in a way. I have decided to just share some old writing and then explain it and why I wrote it until something happens that’s worth writing about.

To The Journey,

Lylah

temper tantrums, and broken hearts

So now I will explain my last post a little bit. I wrote the last post very late at night 8 days after I got my heart broken for the first time. This boy was my first love, we had been best friends for 3 years and he was everything. We only went out for 2 months and 14 days, I’m sure I sound like a stupid teenager who thinks she knows what love is, and maybe I am, but no matter which way you cut it, this hurt. . I have written a lot about him so I’ll post more another time and explain more as I go but now I’ll talk more about the rest of the post. I feel like I spend a lot of my life putting a smile on and trying to appear perfect. I am not perfect. It is a battle I will never win and that kills me. Some days I am able to let go and be myself and not care, those are the best days but the day before I wrote this was not one of those days. I wrote about a girl I left behind, I think that when we are younger we are pure, we are honest with how we feel, we don’t need to look perfect and we don’t break people’s hearts. Children throw a fit when they want to and it is seen as normal, when did it stop being normal to express your feelings? I wish I could throw a fit in front of everyone and just have someone hold me. We teach children from day 1 that crying in public is wrong. I think it is the opposite. I think it is wrong that if I’m about to cry at school I have to swallow the tears and wait until I’m alone at 3 in the morning shaking and crying. I think it is wrong that I don’t even want my mom to hear me cry. I think it is wrong that I listen to music while I cry to drown out the sound of my loneliness. Next time you see someone in public crying, especially if it is someone you know, don’t act like they’re not crying, give them a hug and say “it’s okay, let it out”. I’m writing this late at night so I will probably read this in the morning and wonder what I was thinking but here are my thoughts.

 

To The Journey,

Lylah

a change in the plan

So my initial plan was to write an entry for every day of my trip but that sounded like a boring task to me. I want this blog to be something I look forward to working on so instead I’m going to share some of my writing that came out of my heart through my pencil in the earliest hours of the morning, and then tell you what they mean to me.

This one has no title yet

For me theres a time in the middle of the night when I finally feel alone and unwatched for a moment.Throughout the day I keep my hair down and makeup on, always keeping it together. I guess I keep it together so no one worries, so people think I’m bulletproof, Invincible. Then comes the alone time sometime between 2:30 and 3:00 AM when I feel like no one is listening or watching. This is when I sob for the boy who left his fingerprints on my skin, his taste burning into my mouth, and scars on my heart, I cry because I am lonely, I cry because I have only eaten 360 calories today, I cry for the little girl with an innocent face I’ve left to haunt rooms with purple walls and laughter from 2009. This is the breaking time because tomorrow I will appear to be the same as yesterday, but if you were watching the breaking time you would know that I fixed myself this morning for you, and the rest of the world.

 

Side note: The girl I left behind is a younger me 🙂

 

|

who i am.

Good morning, I hope everyone slept well. This post is going to be kind of about who I am but not really. I’m not going to tell you my whole life story, I will tell you things I like, don’t like, things I’m scared of, but not any of the super big stuff yet. I want to treat this as a friendship and in a friendship, trust is built. Well my name is Lylah (no last names sorry) I live in a little beach town in California (once again, no specifics sorry), I have a general idea of what I want to do when I grow up which is some screen acting, maybe singing, maybe some musical theater, it terrifies me that I don’t have a set plan, I go to a super weird and amazing school where we do super weird and amazing things that I will write about, I love coffee, I hate where I live, I want to live in New York I’m beyond terrified of Spiders and Jellyfish (I shudder just writing that). I think that will give you a basic feel for who I am. Now I’m going to make a list of my favorite books and movies and music and things of that sort for if you ever find yourself bored on a rainy day.

Gossip Girl (Dramatic, T.V show that is no longer on air but is on netflix)

Harry Potter (shouldn’t need an explanation)

Chasing Redbird (Realistic Fiction, Book by Sharon Creech)

Pretty Little Liars (Mystery, T.V show that’s on the air but into their 6th season, the 1st seasons are on netflix)

The Book Thief (Historical Fiction, Book by Marcus Zusak) 

When Harry Met Sally (Romantic Comedy, Movie)

The Princess Bride (Romantic Comedy, Movie)

Pretty. Odd. (Album by Panic! At the disco.)

It’s About Time (Song by Barcelona)

Piano Man, Only The Good Die Young (songs by Billy Joel)

+ (Album by Ed Sheeran)

Some Nights (Album by Fun.)

Magnetic (Album by Goo Goo Dolls, favorite tracks on that are 1,2,3,5,6,8)

Acoustic #3 (Song by Goo Goo Dolls)

Iron and Wine (Artist)

The Postal Service (Artist, my favorite songs are Such Great Heights,The District Sleeps Alone, Sleeping In, Nothing Better)

Boston (Song by Augustana)

On The Bright Side (Song by Never Shout Never) 

Mayday Parade (Artist, My favorite songs are Miserable At Best, Stay, Terrible Things)

I also love anything by Sara Bareilles or Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, Stupid Disney Movies, I like a band called Switchfoot.

There is so much more but I can’t think of them all right now but they will make their way into other posts for sure. Have a fabulous day.

To the journey,

Lylah

hello.

Hello everyone. I’m going to start with being honest, I have no idea how to start this in fact I have no idea how to run a blog at all. You may ask me why I even started the blog if I don’t know how to run it in the first place, my answer would be:  I  love to write and I felt as my notebooks were overflowing so I wanted more storage, but I didn’t want to lock it away in boxes I wanted it to be a little more visible. On this blog I will write of the trials and tribulations of a 14 year old girl living in a beach town in California. Some of the things I post on here will be intense and deep but some of it will probably just be me, rambling about my day. I just hope and would be honored if there is someone out there to sit through the dirt to get to the gold. Well everyone I hope today, March 11 at 7:04 AM becomes a memorable moment. I hope it doesn’t just turn into a day I started one more thing I couldn’t finish. I found WordPress a few days ago and I was and am currently going through my first heartbreak, so this morning I woke up extra early, took my dog out, made my coffee and started to type, in the hopes of feeling alive again. I hope this blog helps me and everyone who reads it feel alive.

To the journey,

Lylah